so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
tell me about the eggs
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