I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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