and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
