I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
