I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
