Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
