I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
