I smell stomach acid.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
