Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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