so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
