My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
