Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
