I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
