A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
