i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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