Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
