ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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