Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
