just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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