I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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