tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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