and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
