so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
