I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
