so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
