see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
