She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
