He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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