he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
