Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
