so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
