She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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