Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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