Your tits are I can't wait for
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
