oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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