This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
