a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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