if only i could text you this smell
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
