i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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