not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
