The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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