fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
