I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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