we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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