My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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