i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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