You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You ruined the universe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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