At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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