my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
