I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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